We are all familiar with fingers in terms of those things that serve as our hamburger-grasping hand digits, but what are some other fingers that are also important?
1. Finger Lakes – The Finger Lakes of northern New York look just like fingers – fingers that have become frozen, gnarled and grossly deformed due to years of neglect, and from being pretty close to Buffalo.
2. Ladyfingers – These are things you desperately cram in your face at parties to alleviate your crippling and woeful inability to communicate with actual ladies.
3. Fingerlings – Baby fish are called fingerlings. Not sure why they don’t just call them “baby fish,” but I suppose “fingerlings” is a better name than “toelings.”
4. Finger Sandwiches – These are other things you desperately cram in your face at parties to alleviate your crippling and woeful inability to communicate with ladies.
Like a glorious (New Zealand-shaped) comet streaking across the night sky, the Flight of the Conchords series on HBO was an ephemeral masterpiece that left us agape with wonder and yearning for more. Two seasons of delightfully earnest New Zealanders Jemaine (Jemaine Clement), Bret (Bret McKenzie) and Murray (Rhys Darby) trying to find their way in New York City was not nearly enough.
They are still with us of course. The Flight of the Conchords band (Jemaine and Bret) recently toured with the great Dave Chappelle, Bret scored the music for the most recent Muppets movie (and another forthcoming sequel), while other stars from the show are slaying it on Twitter and elsewhere. But the show was something special.
While the episodes relied heavily upon the inimitable deadpan of Jemaine, and the easy-going Kiwi naiveté of Bret and Murray, the writing was also brilliant. The songs, the dialogue and lovable characters all meshed and harmonized like a formidable All Blacks attack (token New Zealand rugby reference there… sorry it was either that or a Lord of the Rings analogy, or perhaps a reference to your admirable and robust textiles industry).
There are many great moments and songs from the series that deserve special praise, but here are just a few to honor the memory of a show that was gone too soon.
We are delighted to welcome back our resident historian and stalwart friend today, Mr. Paul Washington. Please take a few moments to enjoy this timely reflection, and to appreciate all those who have sacrificed on our behalf.
In January of 1941, the United States was just beginning to emerge from the throes of the decade-long Great Depression. We were aware of the burgeoning war that had begun across the Atlantic, but our young men would not be called into full-fledged battle until that terrible attack on Pearl Harbor some 11 months later.
It was against this historical backdrop that President Franklin Delano Roosevelt delivered his State of the Union Address to a joint session of Congress and, via radio broadcast, to the citizens of the United States. He closed his speech with the now-famous “Four Freedoms Discourse,” in which he espoused the four freedoms essential to all of humanity: freedom of speech and expression, freedom of religion, freedom from want, and freedom from fear.
President Roosevelt’s speech inspired four paintings by Norman Rockwell. Clockwise from upper-left: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from fear, and freedom from want.
In light of today being a day set aside to honor our Veterans, we here at The Mighty F would like to take this opportunity to dedicate our little corner of the world wide web to honor those who have fought on our behalf to secure President Roosevelt’s Four Freedoms. The text of the Four Freedoms Discourse is below:
“In the future days, which we seek to make secure, we look forward to a world founded upon four essential human freedoms.”
“The first is freedom of speech and expression — everywhere in the world. The second is freedom of every person to worship God in his own way — everywhere in the world. The third is freedom from want, which, translated into world terms, means economic understandings which will secure to every nation a healthy peacetime life for its inhabitants — everywhere in the world. The fourth is freedom from fear, which, translated into world terms, means a world-wide reduction of armaments to such a point and in such a thorough fashion that no nation will be in a position to commit an act of physical aggression against any neighbor — anywhere in the world.”
“That is no vision of a distant millennium. It is a definite basis for a kind of world attainable in our own time and generation. That kind of world is the very antithesis of the so-called “new order” of tyranny which the dictators seek to create with the crash of a bomb. To that new order we oppose the greater conception — the moral order. A good society is able to face schemes of world domination and foreign revolutions alike without fear. Since the beginning of our American history we have been engaged in change, in a perpetual, peaceful revolution, a revolution which goes on steadily, quietly, adjusting itself to changing conditions without the concentration camp or the quicklime in the ditch. The world order which we seek is the cooperation of free countries, working together in a friendly, civilized society. This nation has placed its destiny in the hands and heads and hearts of its millions of free men and women, and its faith in freedom under the guidance of God. Freedom means the supremacy of human rights everywhere. Our support goes to those who struggle to gain those rights and keep them. Our strength is our unity of purpose. To that high concept there can be no end save victory.”
*Paul is a proud son of Madison County, Florida, home of WWII hero Capt. Colin P. Kelly, Jr., and location of the Four Freedoms Monument, which was commissioned by President Roosevelt.
One of the greatest things about our world is that everyone is different. Every person is a unique snowflake.
However some snowflakes are not quite so unique. The truth is that many of us look exactly like other people. In my case that has unfortunately mostly led to Rick Moranis or Steve-O from Jackass comparisons (save one glorious time when a small, possibly nearsighted child misidentified me as very tall NFL quarterback Matt Ryan), but for better or worse, almost all of us look like someone else.
Even the world’s powerful elite are not immune from looking like other people. No corridor of power is untouched by this phenomenon. When I first saw His Holiness Pope Francis I thought he was Rudolph Giuliani. Or maybe Dennis Hopper.
Here are a few other examples of world leaders past and present who look like someone else. Continue reading
Last year we had a post honoring the world’s Franks. The time has now come to celebrate another workmanlike, perfectly adequate name that for some reason has fallen on hard times: Freds of the world rejoice!
In doing a bit of research for this post, we stumbled upon a delightful/simpatico resource that honors the Freds of the world in a worthy manner: The Fred Society. There may be some overlap here of the Freds we highlight, but I hope our combined efforts can build more Fred-respect and perhaps create a resurgence of kids named Fred.
Here’s to you, people named Fred!
Fred McGriff – There have been a slew of notable baseball Freds (Fred Lynn, Freddy Garcia, Freddie Freeman, Freddie Sanchez, and of course my friend JD’s favorite manager, the much beloved Fredi Gonzalez), but the Crime Dog is the best of the bunch. The Tampa native managed to smash 493 career dingers despite his awful swing that looked like an old left-handed man swinging a cane at a mosquito.
Fred ‘Crime Dog’ McGriff pointing with authority.
Fred Astaire – Outside of MC Hammer, maybe the best dancer of the 20th century.
Fred Astaire, born Frederick Austerlitz, the pride of Omaha.
Fred, Right Said – The 60s gave us Civil Rights and Dylan, the 90s gave us Pokemon and Right Said Fred; the creators of the timeless tribute to unmerited braggadocio I’m Too Sexy. Continue reading
“Under the sea, under the sea… Life is de bubbles, under the sea.” – Sebastian the Crab
Despite Sebastian the Crab’s misleading portrayal in The Little Mermaid of life under the sea being some sort of delightful Calypso paradise; the reality is not quite so idyllic. The truth is that there are many alarming things lurking under our waters. Let’s have a look at some of the creatures you should be aware of.
Sebastian the Crab: Misleading us about life under the sea?
Lungfish (freshwater) – This living fossil is a true horror monster brought to life. Certain kinds of lungfish are able to bury themselves in mud for months on end to survive a drought. That’s right, this little freak show doesn’t even need to live in water, it can just sit there waiting and lurking… eager for the chance to chomp you with its razor teeth. Oh yeah they can also walk on land and live for like a CENTURY.
Lungfish are found in Africa, Australia and South America, and despite being so awful looking, are actually eaten by some people. I’ll gladly leave them alone if they pledge to do the same for me.
Oarfish – Whenever something washes up on a beach that is even slightly reminiscent of a sea monster, it is always an oarfish. Every time. The next time you see one of those “Sea Monster Found?!” stories on Yahoo, don’t get your hopes up it’s totally just a dead oarfish.
Oarfish: wow, just wow.
These mysterious, elusive creatures can grow to more than 50 feet in length, fueling speculation that they were probably the “sea monsters” spotted by early navigators… OR WERE THEY???
No you’re right they probably were just oarfish.
Ocean Sunfish – These are so weird aren’t they? They look like those bullets from the original Super Mario Brothers with little flippers attached.
Look out Mario!
As our world continues to careen uncontrollably toward the fulfillment of every major plot point from Idiocracy, we’d like to offer up this list of future companies that may very well make the Fortune 500 list in the coming years.
Cheeto Lint Roll, Inc. – Too tired to get up and wash all that Cheeto-dust off your hands? Don’t feel like expending the effort to lick the cheetle off your fingers? Try new Cheeto-Dust Lint Rollers! They’ll peel all that unwanted Cheeto surplus right off without all the hassle of getting off the couch! Cool Ranch Rollers sold separately.
All-Purpose Food Waffler – Wish everything you eat could be turned into a waffle? Well now you can thanks to the amazing Food Waffler! Simply place any food item inside the state-of-the-art All-Purpose Food Waffler©, push the ‘Waffle’ button, and wait for your food item to be compressed into a waffle-like shape!
Car Cruise Missile Outfitters – Attempts to circumvent the Handgun Ban of 2030 will result in the proliferation of vehicles being armed with mini cruise missile systems, both for safety and as a means to facilitate the resolution of traffic disputes. We can’t be more than 15 years away from it being totally normal to see soccer moms driving Honda Odysseys equipped with heat-seeking Tomahawk missiles.
Hydra-Pants® – This one’s actually semi-serious. I came up with this idea a few years ago after nearly melting to death in Hyderabad: Pants with an internal cooling system for the working man on the go.
Nervous on a first date? Have an aversion to shorts; or prefer to wear pants even in the dead of summer in an effort to hide the leg scars which bear witness to your dark past as a boar wrestler? No problem, just hit the switch on your Hydra-Pants and let the cooling system do its magic. It may be summer on the outside, but it’s winter for your undercarriage year-round!
Sure it’s a stupid idea but you know they’d sell like a billion of these.
Rent-A-Drone – Like to know what people are doing? Want to know what that shady neighbor’s up to? Have a sneaking suspicion that a coup is brewing in Bermuda and want to do a little reconnaissance? Hire a drone for the day and find out for sure.