We’ve received feedback from people named Frank who are upset over the lack of respect given to their noble name these days. Sadly, the “Frank Crisis” is only part of a larger (disturbing) phenomenon of workmanlike, unassuming, boring-yet-perfectly-serviceable names vanishing from our increasingly fancy modern planet.
Franks of the world, we have heard your cries and share your concern for this growing trend of giving babies whimsical names that mean something in Icelandic or whatever.
Though it seems to have fallen on hard times, Frank is a great name. (When’s the last time you met a baby named Frank, Fred, Big Al or Rupert?) So in an effort to bring some cache back to Frank, let us jog each other’s memories with a list of Franks who are/were awesome.
15. Beamer – The legendary Virginia Tech football coach deserves credit for turning the once-obscure, athletically-deficient Hokies into a remarkably consistent national sports powerhouse.
14. Ribery – Famous diminutive French footballer known for his great skill on the pitch and overcoming a horrific car accident.
13. /enstein/other Frank-en spinoffs – This one is debatable, but we simply can’t ignore the accomplishments and cultural significance achieved by the likes of Frankenstein/Frankenfish/Frankenweenie and of course the greatest wrestling finishing move of all time: THE FRANKENSTEINER.
12. DeFord – A great sports writer.
11. Viola– If you grew up in the 80s, you had at least ONE Frank Viola baseball card. Defying his just-fired-pizza-delivery-guy looks, the Minnesota Twins lefty compiled 176 wins in his illustrious career.
10. Gore – A standout running back for perhaps the greatest college football team ever assembled (2001 Miami Hurricanes) and a 3-time Pro-Bowler.
9. Abagnale – The one-time master forger/con-man now turned government secret weapon was the inspiration for the awesome Leo DiCaprio/Tom Hanks movie Catch Me if You Can.
8. Black – Oddball lead singer of super-influential band The Pixies.
7. Capra – He was the film director genius behind such classics as It’s a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and Meet John Doe.
6. Thomas – “The Big Hurt” was not just a larger-than-life home run mashing hero for the Chicago White Sox, he is also an Auburn alum which greatly increases his value.
5. Lloyd Wright – The greatest American architect of all time. He designed the Guggenheim and about 1,000 other structures during his prodigious career.
4. Zappa – Legendary music genius/weirdo.
3. (Franck) Muller – A celebrated maker of ridiculously expensive Swiss watches.
2. Anne – Not a first-name-Frank but certainly one of the greatest Franks who ever lived. JFK said of her, “Of all the multitudes who throughout history have spoken for human dignity in times of great suffering and loss, no voice is more compelling than that of Anne Frank.”
1. Sinatra – Last but not least, the consensus #1 coolest Frank of all time; Ol’ Blue Eyes did things his way.