The latest in our continuing series of hard-hitting un-recipes. Bone Appleteat amigos.
Are you looking for a snack that’s short on taste but long on chewing? Are you averse to bold flavors? Do you hunger for hearty nourishment, but feel unworthy to partake in zest? Do you yearn for food that is commensurate with your life’s overall bland mediocrity and lack of ambition? Boy have we got a recipe for you.
FLAVORLESS FAILURE FUEL TRAIL MIX
- Unsalted peanuts
- Those curvy Chex Mix breadstix
- Lettuce Nuggets (just smash some iceberg in your hand and ball it up)
- Raw cabbage strips
- Your daughter’s discarded PBJ wheat bread crusts
- Whatever it is they use to construct McDonald’s 0.99 chicken sandwiches
- Dehydrated egg whites
- Plain rice cakes
- Unseasoned beans
- Cauliflower shavings
- Yellow Starburst