Fifteen Hours for a Flardfloosk

Dear Sweden, 

I’m writing today concerning an incident at your IKEA store. After some back and forth and extensive internet research, the missus and I had come to an agreement to purchase one of your Flardfloosks. Nothing more. That was the agreement.

Upon entering your giant warehouse of nightmares, we were bombarded by all sorts of things: schmekelbärns, tøotenschnozzles, frinktöots — none of which were items we agreed would be purchased.

After succumbing to several impulse schmekelbärns, we found the Flardfloosk, as was previously agreed upon. “Oh but what is a Flardfloosk without the matching Grundleblarg set? And if we get that, we simply must have the Olafdoodles to complete the set…”

You tricksters; you lousy Swedish swindlers. You Scamdanavians! You did not indicate on your website that the Flardfloosk is only part of a set. What is this? Some sort of Russian doll scheme you’re running? I’m onto you.

Fast forward 15 horrible hours, and we finally assembled the Flardfloosk — which is lovely, but that’s beside the point. Don’t even get me started on how hard it was to put the frinktöots together. I slammed my tiny Allen wrench to the ground in disgust several times, started weeping and screaming toward the heavens, which was very embarrassing as the neighbors saw this. Do you know what it’s like to have your neighbors see you scream toward the heavens? It’s embarrassing to say the least.

The point is that I feel entitled to some sort of compensation for this nightmare you’ve caused. It’s not just the 15 hours wasted or the predatory product placement that caused us to buy all those things, it is the opportunity cost of what I could have accomplished instead. That day I had many important things to do; I have this blog about cats… it’s really quite good, I’m certain we’re getting close to our big breakthrough…

Anyways I can’t get back those 15 hours you stole, but I can get some money to make me feel better. I will also accept meatballs. Those are very good.

Thank you for your kind attention to this matter.

A Concerned Customer



Filed under F Commentary

3 responses to “Fifteen Hours for a Flardfloosk

  1. RBElite

    All I read was the flardfloosk kept u from a cat blog. = win.

  2. themightyf

    Thank you Stewdog. The Flardfloosk is a fictional piece of Swedish furniture. Don’t worry about going to IKEA, it will only make you frustrated and lash out at the ones you love most. They make you assemble whatever you get it’s ridiculous.


  3. Stewdog

    Never been to IKEA, but I hear the meatballs are awesome. Stick in there and I bet you’ll get some. What is a flardfloosk after all? Is it a flared opal like my predictive text recommends?

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