Fake Recipes: Frozen Margaritas

In an effort to combat the Pinterest-ization of America, which seems to be putting an undue amount of pressure on people to have the best, hippest, most delicious recipes, in addition to having the most bedazzled fanny pack, we are starting a new series to offer up some basic recipe ideas for the common man. Keep in mind that none of us here at TMF have ever officially “cooked” or “made anything” per se, so we’re just wingin’ it. We hope this will be a good exercise in freeing you from the constraints of modern cooking that so unfairly demand good taste, viable nutrition, and adorable presentation.

Today we’ll look at that classic all-American staple, the Frozen Margarita.

1. First things first, you’ll need a handle of booze, preferably tequila. Go ahead and put some tequila in a shot glass. Feel free to take that one for good luck or to calm those pre-cooking jitters; no judgment here. Then just pour the rest into a blender. Don’t worry about measuring, if there’s anything we’ve learned from cooking shows it’s that you need to rush around the kitchen like your pants are on fire to be a good chef.

2. Keep in mind this is a frozen margarita, so we’ve got to incorporate ice. Pour all the ice cubes you can fit into the blender.

3. Now margaritas are green, so that’s the next thing to address. If you don’t have any of that margarita mix stuff just dump some green Hi-C or Fanta or something like that into the blender. Once again, time is of the essence so you’ve got to work quickly.

4. That’s pretty much it, so now is the time when you can really make your mark and let your culinary imagination shine through. Take a peek in the fridge and look around the kitchen to see what else is lying around. You can go one of several directions: you can take this opportunity to get rid of stuff that is about to expire – ‘waste not want not’ – plus the handle of tequila will pretty much neutralize whatever moldy garlic cloves or curdled milk you throw in. OR you can use this last phase to slip in something funny like some wax lips, an Airhead or some Hubba Bubba just to see what it would look like to blend that in.

5. Turn the blender on, put the lid on top for safety, push one of the buttons, then wait ‘til the mixture looks acceptable.

6. Pour your concoction into some glasses, get your NES out of the attic, and settle in for a night of fun!

7. Put your keys in the freezer so you don’t/can’t go anywhere.

* This post is dedicated to Gordon Ramsay, and that other awful guy on Masterchef. Not the chubby one he seems pretty cool.

** Please be responsible – everything in moderation!



Filed under Fake Recipes

4 responses to “Fake Recipes: Frozen Margaritas

  1. A

    Lolz at Green Hi-C…I hope thats a reference to the Slimer Hi-C of our youth…WHO YOU GONNA CALL!?!?!?

  2. Stewdog

    Really any button will do. So true man. What’s with all the buttons?

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