It’s time once again time for that glorious spectacle, that quadrennial global showcase of sport, pomp, cultural pride and advertising: the Summer Olympics! It’s a time when we’re reminded that there are indeed people in other countries who competitively run, play ping pong, shoot, choreograph their dancing in the pool, throw stuff and jump on trampolines just like we do.
Of course the USA will win a boatload of medals and make a tremendous showing as always; no real concerns there. So let’s discuss what really matters here: how F is going to fare at the games in London. Here’s our breakdown of all our F representatives.
Fiji – 8 competitors qualified in 6 different sports. Look for strong Fijian showings in archery, the javelin throw, judo, shooting (let’s go Glenn Kable in the Trap Shoot!), swimming and weightlifting. Just wait until rugby becomes an Olympic sport, then you’re all in big trouble! Fiji is currently #14 in the world.
Finland – 50 competitors in 13 sports including: the always-thrilling 50 km walk, pole vault, hammer throw (used to do a bit of this in college myself. That is the one where they throw axes at trees right?), badminton, canoeing, cycling, equestrian, gymnastics, sailing, judo, tennis, and wrestling.
<Brief political commentary> Must be nice to work like 10 HOURS A WEEK and use all that sweet government largesse to work on qualifying for the Olympics. If I had 28 weeks of vacation a year I could probably manage to qualify for something.
SMH America we need to get a hold of that Finnish business plan!
France – 304 competitors in 23 sports. Watch for a breakout performance by Hongyan Pi in Ladies’ Singles Badminton, but things look bleak for the basketball team. Not even if Tony Parker got his eye back and slipped a beret on Tim Duncan to get him in there would Team France be able to avoid getting stomped in their group of death featuring USA and Argentina.
Also look for France to do well in other fancy, low-impact things like trampoline jumping, fencing, handball, and of course synchronized swimming.