Category Archives: Fatherhood

Father Fights for Flowing Follicles

An impassioned letter from a guy to his family, pleading for an opportunity to fulfill his dream of growing his hair out. Enjoy!

I’d like to begin by saying that I love each of you dearly. You are the light of my life, and my everything. Which is why I hope you will understand, and perhaps eventually support, my recent decision to grow my hair out. Continue reading

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Five Fluffy Animals

I want to start with an acknowledgement that fluffy animals are not the sort of manly thing we usually discuss around here. But if having a daughter has reminded me of anything, it’s that fluffy animals are indeed delightful. I don’t care who hears me say that.

We’re gonna take this even further… Not only are we presenting a list of 5 of the world’s fluffiest animals, we are ranking them according to snuggle-ability; meaning the animals we’d most like to snuggle.

Of course this is a bit arbitrary but those are the parameters as set by my lil’ pumpkin – who you DO NOT want to cross.

Without further ado let’s continue the time-honored art of making arbitrary lists about animals!

5. Hedgehog– Most of us think of Sonic when we think hedgehogs. Athletic, spry, highly motivated ring-grabbing heroes… Man what a misleading portrayal. It turns out that real hedgehogs are hilariously fluffy globs of slothful helplessness. Perfect for snuggling though.

No chance he’d make it around one of those loop-de-loops and defeat Dr. Robotnik.

4. Bear cub (black, brown or polar) – There’s just something so alluring about danger-snuggling something so powerful that could potentially eat you like a flopping salmon.

3. Golden Lion Tamarin – Despite a traumatic childhood event involving a ferocious monkey attack (“Surely this monkey tethered to a tree outside our shady hotel here in Costa Rica is tame and trustworthy? OH NO HE BITES GET HIM OFF AHHH!!!”), this little fella could be the bridge I need to turn my night terrors into sweet dreams.

2. Arctic Fox – I had a business idea a couple years back where you charge people to take naps with a skulk of arctic foxes. (Any angel investors out there want in on the ground level of an exciting opportunity???) Living in Florida and finding out that arctic foxes are extremely aggressive face-rippers have hampered this initiative’s progress.

1. Red Panda – Red Pandas might be the cutest animals in the world. Relatives to the larger black and white pandas, raccoons, and of course Mario from Super Mario 3 (after getting the leaf), I wouldn’t mind having to vacuum all that red fluff out of the carpet if a pumpernickel of pandas* came to visit.

*Since red pandas tend to be solitary creatures and therefore don’t have a group nickname, let’s just go with “pumpernickel of pandas” for now. 

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Fatherhood

Certainly one of the biggest topics we’ll tackle here. I’ll try not to gush. But seriously my baby is cuter than 1,000 dancing pandas in sailor outfits.

Simply put, there’s nothing else like becoming/being a father.

I’ll be the first to admit you can’t really understand until it happens to you, until you hold that precious little loaf in your arms. But man it is awesome. Terrifying and  challenging, certainly. But awesome and life-changing and all those other dad clichés, they’re all true – if not wholly inadequate understatements.

I’d like to say that becoming a daddy has somehow made me a better person, but if anything, the experience provides daily confirmation of my innumerable deficiencies. Continue reading

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