Like a glorious (New Zealand-shaped) comet streaking across the night sky, the Flight of the Conchords series on HBO was an ephemeral masterpiece that left us agape with wonder and yearning for more. Two seasons of delightfully earnest New Zealanders Jemaine (Jemaine Clement), Bret (Bret McKenzie) and Murray (Rhys Darby) trying to find their way in New York City was not nearly enough.
They are still with us of course. The Flight of the Conchords band (Jemaine and Bret) recently toured with the great Dave Chappelle, Bret scored the music for the most recent Muppets movie (and another forthcoming sequel), while other stars from the show are slaying it on Twitter and elsewhere. But the show was something special.
While the episodes relied heavily upon the inimitable deadpan of Jemaine, and the easy-going Kiwi naiveté of Bret and Murray, the writing was also brilliant. The songs, the dialogue and lovable characters all meshed and harmonized like a formidable All Blacks attack (token New Zealand rugby reference there… sorry it was either that or a Lord of the Rings analogy, or perhaps a reference to your admirable and robust textiles industry).
There are many great moments and songs from the series that deserve special praise, but here are just a few to honor the memory of a show that was gone too soon.
In a shameless attempt to cash in on the trend of stupid movies and shows featuring sharks, here’s a pitch for a new feature length film, FjØrdShärks!®
In the Arctic wilds of western Norway, something evil is afoot. After two boatloads of hard-partying, fjord-gawking tourists go missing in the span of two weeks, authorities start to suspect foul play. They should be suspecting SHARK-PLAY because FjØrdShärks® have arrived… and they are hungry!
After their own search party gets attacked by some of the savage beasts, Norwegian authorities are forced to call in the mysterious, legendary scientist/shark hunter, Biff Sharkman. Sharkman (played by Daniel Day-Lewis, or Lorenzo Lamas if Mr. Day-Lewis is unavailable), heads to Norway immediately. Much to his dismay, rival shark hunter and personal nemesis Haley “Hammerhead” Hall (played by either Dame Judi Dench or Meryl Streep; or Brooke Hogan if Mrs. Dench or Mrs. Streep are unavailable) has beat him to the punch and already has an investigation underway. They engage in very sharp repartee. They very clearly don’t like each other!
Fjordsharks – – Attacking your screen soon!
The rival research teams set up camp on opposite sides of the fjord. Unfortunately for the Sharkman team, they set up their tents a little too close to the water. Bad move! The first night they’re there, a team of FjØrdShärks, using their recently-evolved shark-legs, crawl up on shore and drag Sharkman’s trusted assistant, Dirk Finman, into the icy depths. Sharkman gets a glimpse of the beasts taking his friend under, and begins to pound the shore and shout for the heavens as he screams his promise for vengeance. Continue reading
An excerpt from a new show we’re pitching to A & E called Flossing: Scared Straight.
<Cut to a middle-aged man with bad teeth, addressing a group of troubled youngsters>
Y’all just take a seat right over there. I wanna talk about your teeth.
I used to be just like you. Cruisin’ through life, not thinking about my teeth. Sure, I knew in the back of my mind it was wrong to not floss; I had seen the commercials and whatnot. Momma always told me it was important. I suppose I knew there would be consequences one day. But I didn’t care; I was young and invincible, right?
<really starts yelling and getting into frightened kids’ faces> Look at me! Look at me now! You don’t want to be like me! Bleeding gums, needing a prescription mouthwash and a special toothbrush…
You think this is funny? Advanced stage gingivitis homey!
Listen, y’all. I see a lot of nasty snaggleteeth here today. I bet not one of you has flossed in the past month. <gets into one kid’s face in particular> I know you haven’t. Have you? Have you, Hollister T-shirt?
Man, they don’t even know! You talk to them. Continue reading