Tag Archives: film

Favelas

I’ve never been to Brazil, though it holds massive appeal to me. There’s a lot to like: rainforest, soccer (they call it futebol), the culture, various meats served on swords. Even the notorious ‘rough’ parts of Brazil seem kind of alluring. Let me explain.

MMMMMMMeat on swords

MMMMMMM sword meat…

I’m always interested to see how ‘the other side’ operates and navigates day-to-day life in any country. Not in an idiot poverty-gawking American sense (Look, Ma! That feller’s peein in the street!). My interest in the world’s ‘wrong sides of the tracks’ isn’t academic, journalistic, do-gooder based, thrill-seeking or scientific. I think it’s mostly just inquisitiveness. It’s also practical.

For one thing, I find that meeting people who look and live different than you do is the spice of life. Also, fancy places are pretty similar the world over. Shopping malls in Chengdu, Cape Town, Calcutta and Columbus are largely indistinguishable. Wealth seems to breed insipidness, as well as the propensity toward being a pompous jerk.

Poor places in general are usually just more interesting. Don’t get me wrong, I am well aware that there is nothing fun, quaint, exciting or entertaining about poverty. There’s nothing nice about high infant mortality rates and not having access to life’s basic essentials. What I’m trying to say is that whatever country you’re in, it’s usually the poorer areas where you’ll find the most interesting people, the warmest hospitality, the most innovation, the most unique experiences, and the best food.

Getting a sense of how the poor, the forgotten, the feared and reviled, the outcasts and outliers live is always an enlightening experience. How do they survive? What’s their life like? This seems like a good starting point for trying to figure out a country, and understanding the people who make up a country. Continue reading

8 Comments

Filed under F Commentary, Faith, Film, F Entertainment, Foreign Lands

Foreva? Foreva-eva?

Today we’re talking about the concept of eternity. You know, that never-ending expanse of time that, according to many major religions, awaits us all once we shuffle off our mortal coils. Our bodies die but our immortal souls linger on forever and ever yada yada yada.

Before we get going, I want to note that for this particular piece I’d just like to consider what a positive eternal setup might look like. While it’s hard to refute that all of us deserve some sort of punishment after we die (or at least be made to perform some sort of embarrassing musical number in front of all the assembled nations, tribes and judgmental peers), I’d rather not spend time speculating on what a negative eternity might consist of. I can’t even imagine a never-ending DMV trip or traffic jam, much less with flames.

Moving forward with the ‘positive afterlife scenario’ paradigm, what will we do with all that time after we die? Christians, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, Hindus and most other religions all have different ideas of how the hereafter works. Zoroastrianism contends that the righteous will forever reign with Ahura Mazda.  (sounds so peaceful and automotive!)

We have the official orthodox party lines from all these religions about what eternity will consist of and how we’ll spend our time. Most of which seem to predict various forms of idyll, worship, pleasure and ongoing paradise. Sounds pretty cool.

But how about some specifics? I have so many questions about this arrangement.

I suppose no one alive really knows exactly how it all works. What eternity looks like and consists of is one of those mysteries of the universe we’ll just have to wait on, so in the meantime let’s do what we do best here: offer up some wild speculation, outside-the-box thoughts, unsubstantiated hypotheses, and hopeful guess-ery.

Involvement with Human Affairs

If we learned anything from Angels in the Outfield (other than the fact that Tony Danza had clearly never thrown a baseball in his life previous to filming this movie), it’s that the dead have the power to exert influence over the outcomes of sporting events. I imagine this sort of thing will occupy much of our time (such as Auburn’s Chris Davis being carried on sweet angels’ wings all the way to the end zone in last year’s supernatural Iron Bowl).

Chris Davis, flying to sport glory on the wings of blessed angels?

Chris Davis, flying to sport glory on the wings of blessed angels?

Perhaps we will also be involved with the living in other ways, like Clarence in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Maybe the recently deceased are immediately given ‘helper’ or ‘guardian angel’ tasks? If this is the case, it will be interesting to see whether or not we are assigned to monitor a geographic area, specific individuals, or if we’re just supposed to be on the lookout for certain problems (i.e. bridge jumpers, weaving motorcyclists, rollerbladers with no brakes, drunk people trying to feed animals.) Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under F Abstract Concepts, F Commentary, Faith

Foreign, Familiar Faces

One of the greatest things about our world is that everyone is different. Every person is a unique snowflake.

However some snowflakes are not quite so unique. The truth is that many of us look exactly like other people. In my case that has unfortunately mostly led to Rick Moranis or Steve-O from Jackass comparisons (save one glorious time when a small, possibly nearsighted child misidentified me as very tall NFL quarterback Matt Ryan), but for better or worse, almost all of us look like someone else.

Even the world’s powerful elite are not immune from looking like other people. No corridor of power is untouched by this phenomenon. When I first saw His Holiness Pope Francis I thought he was Rudolph Giuliani. Or maybe Dennis Hopper.

Here are a few other examples of world leaders past and present who look like someone else. Continue reading

6 Comments

Filed under F Lists

FjØrdShärks!

In a shameless attempt to cash in on the trend of stupid movies and shows featuring sharks, here’s a pitch for a new feature length film, FjØrdShärks!®

In the Arctic wilds of western Norway, something evil is afoot. After two boatloads of hard-partying, fjord-gawking tourists go missing in the span of two weeks, authorities start to suspect foul play. They should be suspecting SHARK-PLAY because FjØrdShärks® have arrived… and they are hungry!

After their own search party gets attacked by some of the savage beasts, Norwegian authorities are forced to call in the mysterious, legendary scientist/shark hunter, Biff Sharkman. Sharkman (played by Daniel Day-Lewis, or Lorenzo Lamas if Mr. Day-Lewis is unavailable), heads to Norway immediately. Much to his dismay, rival shark hunter and personal nemesis Haley “Hammerhead” Hall (played by either Dame Judi Dench or Meryl Streep; or Brooke Hogan if Mrs. Dench or Mrs. Streep are unavailable) has beat him to the punch and already has an investigation underway. They engage in very sharp repartee. They very clearly don’t like each other!

Fjordsharks - - Attacking your screen soon!

Fjordsharks – – Attacking your screen soon!

The rival research teams set up camp on opposite sides of the fjord. Unfortunately for the Sharkman team, they set up their tents a little too close to the water. Bad move! The first night they’re there, a team of FjØrdShärks, using their recently-evolved shark-legs, crawl up on shore and drag Sharkman’s trusted assistant, Dirk Finman, into the icy depths. Sharkman gets a glimpse of the beasts taking his friend under, and begins to pound the shore and shout for the heavens as he screams his promise for vengeance. Continue reading

72 Comments

Filed under Film, F Entertainment, Fjords

Fifteen Famous Franks

We’ve received feedback from people named Frank who are upset over the lack of respect given to their noble name these days. Sadly, the “Frank Crisis” is only part of a larger (disturbing) phenomenon of workmanlike, unassuming, boring-yet-perfectly-serviceable names vanishing from our increasingly fancy modern planet.

Franks of the world, we have heard your cries and share your concern for this growing trend of giving babies whimsical names that mean something in Icelandic or whatever.

Though it seems to have fallen on hard times, Frank is a great name. (When’s the last time you met a baby named Frank, Fred, Big Al or Rupert?) So in an effort to bring some cache back to Frank, let us jog each other’s memories with a list of Franks who are/were awesome. Continue reading

4 Comments

Filed under F Lists

Farkus, Scut

We are delighted today to welcome a true legend into our midst. Renowned for his expertise in litigation, political science, fantasy baseball and dinosaurs, Jean Duglás is also an accomplished author, Southern gentleman, dead-eye jumpshooter and feted uncle. Enjoy…

By: Jean Duglás

Scut Farkus.  He’s evil incarnate in coon-skin maraudering somewhere in the Rust Belt.  He’s making you kiss frozen metal objects.  He’s grabbed your wrist and applied enough torque to your Glenohumeral joint to make you yell for that creepy guy married to your mom’s sister.  He was the bane of Ralphie’s existence.

But Farkus is much, much more.

Farkus, Scut.

As an avid Second Amendment enthusiast, A Christmas Story is one of my favorite movies. Aside from the important message about the importance of further arming America’s youth, Farkus, and more importantly Ralphie’s ultimate response to Farkus, epitomizes the gusto with which I hope every EFFER* [that’s what you call TMF readers, right?] attacks life. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under F Commentary, Fighting, Film, F Entertainment

Five Disappointing Countries

The world is an unforgiving place. One day, you’re on top: you got the power, the land, abundant resources, strategic advantages over neighboring countries, compliant subjects, and vanquished foes far and wide. It seems like the good times will last forever. But they never do.

All empires wax and wane, but let’s be honest; some declines have been more disappointing than others…

1. Portugal – To be fair, for such a tiny, sardine-powered nation to have ever accomplished the level of world domination they did is quite impressive. There was a time in the 15-16th centuries when they ruled the seas like none other – they navigated the crap out of planet earth, plundering untold riches and carving out territories in India, Brazil and throughout Africa along the way.

But let’s face it, what a free-fall it’s been for them the past several centuries. Today’s Portugal is mostly famous for its debt problems, the legalization of drugs, and a soccer team that can never quite win the big one. Vasco de Gama must be forlornly navigating around in his grave. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under F Lists, Flags, Foreign Lands