Tag Archives: television

Frogs

We’re here today to shine a good light on yet another F subject that is often overlooked, disparaged, undervalued, and sometimes even stepped on* by accident. Yes: frogs are for the most part what one might consider gross. No doubt their wild, unpredictable hopping can be unsettling. And yes, some are so butt ugly they may make you want to vomit. They have the dubious distinction of being on the short list of animals that have been used as Plagues.

But you know what? Frogs are also pretty awesome. A vastly underrated species if you ask me.

Let’s celebrate our amphibian friends by pointing out some of their more flattering features.

FANCY FROGS

Holy cow have you seen some of these poison dart frogs? These crazy-colorful beauties that mostly live in Central and South America got their name from the heyday of when people were using the frogs’ poison in their blowdarts** to settle various scores.

Have a look at some of these punams! But don’t touch, lest you end up looking like Martin Short in whatever terrible 80s movie that was with Danny Glover when he gets stung by all those bees.

Cobalt Dart Frog

Cobalt Dart Frog

Green & Black Poison Dart Frog, highly dangerous due to its striking resemblance to a delicious Andes Mint.

The Green & Black Poison Dart Frog, highly dangerous due to its striking resemblance to a delicious Andes Mint.

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Filed under Flora + Fauna

Flossing

An excerpt from a new show we’re pitching to A & E called Flossing: Scared Straight.

<Cut to a middle-aged man with bad teeth, addressing a group of troubled youngsters>

Y’all just take a seat right over there. I wanna talk about your teeth.

I used to be just like you. Cruisin’ through life, not thinking about my teeth. Sure, I knew in the back of my mind it was wrong to not floss; I had seen the commercials and whatnot. Momma always told me it was important. I suppose I knew there would be consequences one day.  But I didn’t care; I was young and invincible, right?

<really starts yelling and getting into frightened kids’ faces> Look at me! Look at me now! You don’t want to be like me! Bleeding gums, needing a prescription mouthwash and a special toothbrush…

You think this is funny? Advanced stage gingivitis homey!

Listen, y’all. I see a lot of nasty snaggleteeth here today. I bet not one of you has flossed in the past month. <gets into one kid’s face in particular> I know you haven’t. Have you? Have you, Hollister T-shirt?

‘No sir.’

Man, they don’t even know! You talk to them. Continue reading

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Filed under F Commentary, Film, F Entertainment

Future Forecastings: 2013

As we welcome a New Year, it’s time once again to unleash the groundless hunches, uneducated guesses and baseless predictions our new media have trained us to love so much. To honor our noble modern traditions: jumping to conclusions, inflaming passions for ratings’ sake, and of course biased, uninformed prognosticating on world events… we give you this list of things that may happen in the coming year.

  • Upon hearing of rampant unrighteousness among penguins, the “Westboro Baptist Church” will sail to Antarctica to protest. The penguins will get a bit annoyed but for the most part tune them out.
  • I will somehow be bitten/tusked by a wild boar and a tiger, thus completing the rare feat of having been bit by the entire* Chinese Zodiac animal roster. Completing the “Bitten by the Zodiac Cycle” will somehow be parlayed into an attempt to secure a General Tso’s For Life prize.
    After this year's rat bite, just a boar, tiger and mythical dragon short of the cycle.

    After this year’s rat bite, I’m just a boar, tiger and mythical dragon short of getting ‘bit by the cycle.’

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Filed under Future Forecastings